Friday, December 30, 2011

I Tried to Cheat the Tooth Fairy

Today's Friday, and I'm in the mood for a whimsical memory. Here's the true story of the time I tried to pull a fast one on the Tooth Fairy...

I don't recall how old I was, but I must've been pretty young. I'd already lost one of my baby teeth, and now another tooth was working loose. As I wiggled that little guy to speed up the process, I recalled with excitement the quarter I'd found under my pillow in exchange for my first tooth; now I stood on the verge of reaping another fast 25 cents. I could already picture the gum or candy I could buy with that big shiny coin.

Of course, I had no idea what on earth the Tooth Fairy did with discarded teeth. They were too tiny to make into ivory piano keys. Did she string them for jewelry? I didn't have a clue. All I knew was that this was an easy, legal transaction that would soon place cash in my pocket. If only I had an endless supply of teeth, I thought, I could make a fortune off this rich, gullible fairy with a penchant for useless teeth.

That's when an idea struck me... I could make FAKE teeth to put under my pillow! I'd be rich! Well, my wiggly tooth finally let go, so, after wowing mom and dad with it, I placed it under the pillow before heading to Dreamland. The next morning--sure enough!--a quarter lay there in its place. Now that I'd reminded good ol' T.F. of my address and had proof of bona fide goods, I quietly laid my plans.

In our kitchen was a bag of candy corn. Personally, I never cared for candy corn, but each piece tapered to a little white point. Cut off that point, and at a glance that little white object could pass as a kid's tooth. I couldn't count all the little white tips in that bag of candy, but this amateur entrepreneur figured there were enough to win me a small fortune! I cut off a tip and, following the drill, I wrapped it in a Kleenex and tucked it under my pillow. (I didn't tell Mom or Dad, though, in case they would say it's not nice to trick the Tooth Fairy.) By night, visions of shiny quarters danced in my dreams, but the next morning under my pillow I found... a piece of candy corn wrapped in a Kleenex!

Busted! T.F. must not be so gullible after all. I couldn't figure out how she could tell the difference between real teeth and fake teeth in the darkness of nighttime, but evidently she could. What a relief to me the next time I had a real tooth for sale. She carried out the transaction as usual and didn't hold a grudge!

Was I a naive little kid? You bet! But if you think about it, chances are that you had a few funny ideas when you were little too. Am I right?


  1. I always laid ingenious traps to catch the tooth fairy...

  2. Were you planning to grab her money bag a make a run for the hills? ;)

  3. actually, I was working to discover "her" superpowers in order to fly...

  4. I think I wrote the complete idiot's guide to catching the tooth fairy!

  5. Funny! Here's one for you from the other end of the spectrum! Enjoy!

    FTR: My resignation was immediately accepted! :)